My name is Amanda and I am a 41 year old massage therapist with an anxiety disorder. More importantly I am a new mom with an 8 month old little boy who I will call G. I worry about disclosing any information about my child online, probably unwarranted but I don't like taking chances with my kid. I guess this whole motherhood thing has thrown me for a loop. Maybe that is just the months of exhaustion talking or maybe my once pristine self image has been rattled and shaken to its core and most days I struggle to find the strength to put on underwear let alone rear a child. I doubt myself all the time! Always that little voice telling me I am not a good enough mom, no matter what I achieve or how selfless I behave for my child. My husband tells me I am crazy and that I am the best mom he knows. Mostly I think he just wants to get in these mommy panties but I appreciate his willingness to make me feel better. So why do I feel like a fraud of a mother? Well the best I can come up with is seeing so many people out there doing it so effortlessly. Come on you have seen YouTube right? These moms have perfect make up and hair, clean houses decorated beautifully and they talk about their super expensive strollers and their perfectly themed nursery's which are documented on Pinterest, cost over 15k and are the envy of many. Their kids have every toy or gadget imaginable and they somehow manage to breast feed, cloth diaper, make all their baby food, crochet their husband a ball cozy, make dinner and bake a gluten free soufflé for themselves for when their kid goes to bed. So where the hell does that leave the rest of us? How can we compete with that? I have tried to breast feed, cloth diaper, make my own baby food and crochet my husband a ball cozy, which he refuses to wear because he says it will make his balls too hot. Along the way I have found some good information through trial and error about these different areas. Things I wish pre mom me would have known. I genuinely care about the future of the world for my son and I try so hard to take sustainability and kindness into account in my child rearing journey. But I fall short all the time, hence my name of Greenish mom. My heart is in the right environmental and mindful place but hey we all need to admit we totally get a large fry from McDonalds from time to time! My house is not clean and not decorated all that nicely. My stroller is good quality but not super expensive. My kid is super freakin' cute, so I have that going for me, but I won't let anyone see him so you will just have to trust me on that one. Truly I care about people, and I love my kid! I actually take excellent care of my son and I have an amazing partner who is able to split the time with me almost evenly (but I am the one with the boobs, so I get some extra time under my belt understandably). I hope through my experience of failing often that it will help all of you feel better, that you are not going through this alone! That your child/children are soooo lucky to have you in their life and that you should realize what a truly amazing super woman you really are, just as you are! I would rather spend a half hour with my kid making him laugh than work out, cleaning my house, getting my hair/nails done, or even showering! Yup that's right currently I am working on at least 2 days since a shower, but I feel like tonight might be my lucky night to get one in. Now that is not to say I am judging anyone for doing those things. We each need to find our priorities, they are unique to us all. We need to support each other regardless of the factors surrounding the "type" of mom we find ourselves aligned as. I can only tell you my experience and hopefully it helps you in some small way. So if this kind of parenting speaks to you please read on, I promise some laughs and some unique wisdom through my failures for you to avoid some of the mistakes I have made. Stay strong and parent on! And get to work on those ball cozies! (To be inclusive of everyone here, a ball cozy also makes a lovely pacifier holder, so if you don't have actual balls it totally still works)!